Southerners...

A little humor to start the week.

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW THE RULES

Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity, Humidity, Humidity

Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh, The crick

Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey, Darlin', Shugah

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes, Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias, Gone With The Wind

Southerners know their religions: Bapdiss, Methdiss, and Football

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos. Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall. The Country Club. The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails. Having bad manners. Cooking bad food.

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them,you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.,make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in:

"Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that" just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, and all y'all is plural.

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."

Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.

You just say, "Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:

Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.

Bless your little heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff...

bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah!

There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north and nobody would buy the magazine!

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they hada been!

If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.