Rulze...
THE RULES FOR CITY SLICKERS TO ENTER THE COUNTRYSIDE-
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 or I-40 goes east and west, Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $400,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings in hunt camp while a deer is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time
7. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
OK, confession time. Before I posted this, because of my out of date, old fogie, life style, I called our child and asked what a “Mary Jane” was. I am SO afraid I will unknowingly post something dirty or offensive! For any of you other “so green ye could plant 'em” senior citizens....it is marijuana.
Sigh...
I'm 51. I knew what Mary Jane was... because of Boomers writing about what THEIR parents called it!
Then again, I had an 18 year old working with me that didn't know that diet pills are amphetamines.
"Yew aine frum round heah, arya? We doan cotten to that sheeit, Bubba. Gitcher ass downa road afore it gits ugly." You don't often hear that anymore in my area of Baja Alabama unless you come tooling though on I-10 or Hwy 29 in a Cadillac with an old Clinton-Kaine bumper sticker, you are wearing matching Che T-shirts and the guy in the man-bun turns to his life-partner with a nose piercing and says, "Look at that, Winston, that rube is eating a Moon Pie and drinking an RC Cola...get some pictures quick."
But those are the soft-spoken people in this slice of American paradise. We have many retired military here too. Their speech is terse. Their stares withering. Me? I have a mid-Western accent though I was raised mostly in the Deep South, but with a substantive store of 4-letter(+) Navy nouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs and interjections. All courtesy of 19½ years sea duty. My parents were Okies and their ancestors homesteaded in Appalachia in the late 1700's.