I got nothing...

So you get humor...

Hugh Hefner became a multi millionaire by staying home in his pajamas. I am not having the same result.

Mom said “My child will not eat fish. What can I replace it with?” I replied “A cat, Cats love fish”

I came home and discovered my kids were on Ebay all day, if they are still on Ebay this evening I will lower the price”

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman ? WHAT? Frostbite

People are too judgemental these days, I can tell by just looking at them.

Great hide and seek players are really hard to find.

My father worked 12 hours a day to put food on the table, a really great man but he sure was a very slow cook.

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”
“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”